Laugh it up, Fuzzball.

Note: Decided to actually post this since it elucidates my thought on the article more and... well, why not? Welcome to Version 1 of Fuzzball.
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This entry was originally a tad smug; it has since been amended to reflect merely a cocked head and a raised eyebrow. A professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College, Robert Friedman at the nytimes decided to give a little kick to the mid-life crisis. Color me amused. Proffy Friedman essentially bats the "mid-life crisis" out of the park, as he called it (often) nothing more than an excuse for (primarily) narcissistic men to come to terms with a lack of novelty in their lives. Yikes. Nothing like a good dose of reality straight to the sweet spot first thing in the morning.

So, this middle-aged freak out is some blazing realization that you're no longer 20 years old. As a current part of the "20 something" demographic, I'd just like to raise a hand and say how damned uncomfortable it can be. It's funny, as 40 and 50 somethings are wishing they were our age, everyone I know in their early adult years seems to be grappling with a fear/terror of the unknown and struggling to find an identity outside of X education. Is it just me, or do you always wish you're another age, another job, another something or other? Maybe nirvana is just a fancy way to describe happiness with one's situation. If only those having mid-life crises could remember that the excitement they nostalgically recall abounding in their 20s, were actually uncertainty and breathlessness, and they're pretty indiscriminate about when and how hard they hit you. In fact, based on what Friedman says, the mid-life crisis is basically the same as the 20ish life:

"Why do we have to label a common reaction of the male species to one of life’s challenges — the boredom of the routine — as a crisis? True, men are generally more novelty-seeking than women, but they certainly can decide what they do with their impulses.

But surely someone has had a genuine midlife crisis. After all, don’t people routinely struggle with questions like 'What can I expect from the rest of my life?' or 'Is this all there is?'"

Ding! Welcome to the joyous post-college dilemma. Except we have zero money and zero stability, not to mention the pesky realization that this is as much, or as little, as you want to make it. Possibility is nice when it embraces you, but when it's bear hugging you till you can't breathe, stability can look mighty kind.

I won't deny that I can see how suddenly coming to grips with the concept of fatherhood and putting your life on a back burner for someone else, can be pretty terrifying. I just wonder why it "suddenly" snuck up on these guys. It's as if they hadn't already had, oh, 50 years to acclimate themselves to it prior to three kids, a mortgage and a wife who's left holding the bag. Here is See's pop-psychology analysis: since women who want to have children realize they're gonna be a walking baby habitat for 9 months, there's a fairly clear understanding that eventually your goals are gonna be put on hold, thus the mid-life crisis is smoothed into a gradual process throughout your adult life. But, it seems equal to what I'm observing to be the counterbalance in men: a gradual understanding/assumption of the "breadwinner" (pardon the feminist in me) and protector role. Ring fund, anyone? Apparently, though, the 'click' of all this has a delayed reaction time in some men. Ho hum, none of this growing up stuff seems too fun anymore.

Newsflash: women are afraid of commitment too, but somehow you don't hear about as many of them letting their flight response take over. Although, instead they get botox and buy lots of designer shoes and purses and ... oh crap, this looks kind of like a corner. Did I just walk myself here? Of course not. This is less a reflection on men and women, and more a momentary pause on what it's like to be 20ish and considering what it's like to be all growed up. To be honest, it seems like not much changes the older you get. The endless possibilities of this age are indeed appealing, though, and let it be kept in the record of See's ridiculous blog that 20 something women are afraid of losing novelty, excitement and adventure just like X aged men are. In fact, the fascination with the article comes from a fear of having just that: See's Happy Mid-Life Crisis. I can barely commit to what I'm eating for lunch, when does this whole "committing to a family" thing come into play? Yeesh.

Better make good use of my early adult life, hrm?

Open Discourse

Ah, yes, abortion. The deep dark secret thing that everyone's a little bit scared of. The nytimes did a piece on Dr. Susan Wicklund, whose book This Common Secret: My Journey as an Abortion Doctor is going to be hitting bookstores soon. Here's what I admired about the article, and how Dr. Wicklund seems to be handling this touchy issue, it was neither completely supported nor completely disparaged. It swings more towards support since it was written about her profession, but she talks about her own reservations on when to perform the procedure (21 weeks was too late) and how she thinks the topic should be addressed in a smart way. We need to get it out in the open and talked about. Open discourse leads to education, and education leads to making smart choices.

"'We don’t talk about it,' she said in a telephone interview. 'People say, ‘Nobody I know has ever had an abortion,’ and that is just not true. Their sisters, their mothers have had abortions.'"

I've heard that. I've probably said it. It's a tough subject to discuss, no doubt, especially because there can be such violent reactions to even uttering the word. But, here are some shocking numbers for your consumption which caught me off guard.

Based on current rates, nearly 40 percent of American women have abortions during their child-bearing years.

Nearly a quarter of all pregnancies in the US end in abortion.

Check out the article. If you can, pick up the book. Abortion isn't pretty by any stretch of the imagination, but it's important to remember that there are people who take that step because it's necessary to them. Isn't it better if we give them all the information before hand, and provide them with safe, sanitary options than whatever desperate measures they'll take on their own?

Confessions of a Female Enthusiast

Greetings from Manhattan and Boston! There's been a bit of a hiatus from blogging, and I apologize for the conspicuous (or was it?) absence. I'll blame it on the recent rush of activity in my normally "well-scheduled" life. Who loves excuses?! Anyways, down to business. While I have been, and hopefully will continue, to do my best to keep this blog unisex focused, today's post will be centered around some thoughts on females and their various contributions to modern day society. Ooh, light and airy!

First and foremost, hooray for Argentina's first female President! Congratulations to Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, the uh... former? first lady of Argentina. Apparently, that's South America's second female president in two years following behind Chile's Michelle Bachelet. I'll outright say that I don't know anything about South America, but at least in this regard it's fabulous to see the progressive changes that are being made there. Though there are some hanging questions about Ballot distribution which trouble me, it is quite heartening to know that women are pushing boundaries out in the world. Whether she is a capable leader has yet to be seen, but she definitely seems to recognize the burden that is resting upon her shoulders now.

"Kirchner declared victory late Sunday. In a speech, she said she felt not only a responsibility to lead her country, but 'an immense responsibility for my gender.'"

These first few women who are stepping into the Presidency are going to, as my favorite US AS History teacher used to say, lay the groundwork for paradigms of any women to follow. They will be judged harshly if they fail, and while I would love to believe in fair reporting, I would venture a guess that their accomplishments will only be lauded a fraction as much as a male President's accomplishments would be. Even the IHT article itself, while "fair reporting," smacked a bit of jabbing implications that Kirchner had won the elections both riding on the coat tails of her husband and with ulterior motives besides improving Argentina's foreign policy. The BBC article on key election concerns does help shed some light on the issue, but that article falls distinctly on the disparaging side as well. The least biased, or perhaps biased in the direction I prefer, article that I've found is this Q&A from MWC News. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm pre-disposed to looking for positive presentations of women in the media (duh?) but having seen the way Hillary has been portrayed in the American press I'm hesitant to believe that other women will be given neutral reviews. Then again, the nature of the press is such that there is no such thing as "neutral."

Before anyone asks about my personal beliefs on Hillary, I'll say that I'm glad she's trying for the Presidency. No matter how you slice it, that post is an incredible opportunity and burden not only for her as an American, but also as a woman. I've kept some tabs on her policies, and while I haven't chosen a candidate that I solely support, I hate to admit the lurking feelings of allegiance towards her for being a woman and, to be honest, for being an alumna of my alma mater. She has some good ideas, and if they were put into practice I'd like to believe that they would be functional and perform their purpose. But, I'm not a politics type of a person so these are just my uneducated two cents.

In other news on women to admire, the recent break about Dumbledore's sexual orientation has caused quite the stir. Suddenly, the story about the boy who lived became completely focused on the boy being led (misled?) by a man with questionable interests. Now, I'd like to pause for a second and say that realistically no one in the world is entirely altruistic, so there will always be "questionable interests." Furthermore, Rowling never tried to refute or paint Dumbledore in a light that would show him as infallible or that he wasn't trying to use Harry as a tool in many ways. Essentially, I don't see how his sexual orientation can suddenly alter the entire universe that she has created, and at least Edward Rothstein from the nytimes seems to agree with me.

On an individual note about Rowling, I will commend her again for the entire HP series. Much though everyone picks at the books, and tries to lambast the characters and plot, I am really in awe of what she has created. As an artist/writer, she did what politicians all over the world and human rights activists have been trying to do for decades. She got people to care about something. Whoever you are, wherever you were, if you were somewhat in touch with any type of current events or media you probably knew about Harry Potter and you were probably at the very least curious about the outcome of his life. She spanned socioeconomic divides and brought together an entire world by showing them our world using magic. That sounds hokey, I know, but all Rowling really did was present modern day society and the problems we face through the lens of the fantastic, mythic, and intangible. It disgusts me the way people rip into how successful HP has become and complain that she only wrote the stories to make money. I could be wrong, but as a writer you never know how well your work will be received so I doubt she was banking on her success. Not to mention, as an author, publishing is not the most lucrative industry to become involved in anyways.

Anyways, many nods and acknowledgments to both women mentioned here for their impressive accomplishments. I'll take my feminism onto the streets of Cambridge/Boston now. Surprisingly the foliage hasn't hit yet, but perhaps I'll have some photos to post for everyone's enjoyment later.

Early Mornings

Sometimes I wonder if I'm secretly a morning person masking as a late night person. I made the transition senior year to being a morning person. But, have since returned to my night-owl ways. However, there was surprising satisfaction for me in sipping a warm cup of tea, munching on a scone, and conversing with friends as I let the day begin. Maybe this means I'm going to like waking up early and going to work? Probably not, but one can hope.

This morning I bring you a little three-course meal of articles. All of which can be enjoyed and pondered somewhat seriously.

Appetizer: Apparently researchers have found that it's actually possible to die from heartbreak. At least that's how this article is portraying it. Really, though, all it's saying is that close negative relationships (even friendships) can cause major stress on your heart and up your chances by 34% for chest pain or a heart attack.

"'If you have good people around it is good for your health, ... If you have negative people around it is much worse for your health.'"

Just in case you guys weren't sure that negative influences aren't fun. Haha.

Main: So, if Gen-X is pushing 30 now, what the heck are we? Ask Thomas Friedman, an Op-Ed contributor for the NYtimes, and he'll say that 20-somethings are Generation Q, a generation of Quiet Americans. Friedman discusses his recent visits to college campuses around the country, and reflects on what he sees as the general mentality of our generation. Curious? Three ideas, friends: optimism, idealism, and political apathy. I'd have to agree with Friedman and say that he is spot on. If I am representative of the happy medium of our generation, I do indeed embody each of those ideas. While we may be really doing something through our commitment to relief causes, we're not nearly active enough about being heard. Anyone else miffed that Social Security is basically a moot point for us? Even now, I'm sitting here blogging to you as opposed to picking up a mic at some rally and making my voice heard. Maybe Berkeley's tree-sitters were leading the way. At least they stand up for something that isn't only a cause on Facebook.

Dessert: Just in case anyone was wondering, I will only marry a man who makes at least half a million a year. I'm not remotely serious in saying that, but there was a woman on Craigslist who actually was. Subsequently, one of these potential Wall Street half-mil hubbies answered her query by stating that her offer as a currently bombshell gold-digger, as compared to his ever growing stock portfolio, was "plain and simple a crappy business deal." This was an article on the posts, but if anyone is interested I can put the actual postings up here as I have them in my inbox somewhere. Here's an excerpt from Mr. Wall Street that I particularly enjoyed:

"Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So,
I wonder why a girl as 'articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful'
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to
believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K
hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation."

Hah. Eat that, woman who's giving my gender a bad name! And, isn't that such an interesting thought? Doing something myself to make money and pursuing my own career. Oh my gosh! It's almost as though I had a brain just like men! If she were really as smart as she claims, wouldn't she have figured out how to get one of those earning asset husbands already? Ok, ok, the snark ends there. But, I do have a particular revulsion for women like that. And, similarly, men who are so insecure that when faced with a woman's intelligence and skill, they recess into a tiny shell of misogyny to hide the fact that they're incompetent. Hrm, tastes like bitter man-hater talk to me. Just had to put that out there though.

I guess my dessert comes out just like I seem to appear in candy form. A la dark chocolate, a little bitter kick at the end. (Thanks to Holla and Nigerian Prince for defining my candy form, by the way.) But, regardless, hopefully you guys found the meal enjoyable.

And now, to find myself some coffee.

A Little Info

For women, and I guess anyone who is interested, a new study on Breast Cancer.

Alcohol, an issue of contention as always, has apparently been linked to increases in breast cancer. So, ladies, 1-2 drinks a day raises your chances of getting breast cancer by 10%. 3 drinks or more a day seems to raise your chances by 30%. My favorite tidbit of info was a bit of a kick in the ovaries for me:

"Any alcohol consumption will raise your breast cancer risk," Key said. "Women don't have to abstain from alcohol entirely, but they need to be aware of the risks they're taking when they have a few too many drinks."

We're talking any type of alcohol, as in drinking wine because you think it's better for your heart is total huey since it doesn't matter what you consume. As long as it has alcoholic content, it's messing with you.

Now, granted I don't drink alcohol everyday, but this article still does scare me. As if losing an appendix weren't indication enough that my body isn't happy, I'd say it's probably a good idea for me to reconsider my behavior when I'm out. Yuck. Everything gives you cancer these days.

And, for more more random information that serves no larger purpose in your life, I bring you Fortune Cookie Drama.

Funny enough, at the SF Asian American Film Festival during the spring I watched a short about a fortune cookie company (apparently not written or directed by anyone asian). The plot being that a guy was going through a crappy break up with his girlfriend and started writing some nasty fortunes for his father's fortune cookie company. Et voila! Art reflects reality reflects art? Although, supposedly none of the writers are unhappy, they're just writing more "cautious" fortunes as opposed to the saccharine ones that we're all used to. "You are a brilliant snowflake. No one is like you in the whollleee world."

You are not a snowflake, wait, I am not a snowflake? But, I doubt I'd be too happy if I got "Today is a disastrous day. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em." Then again, there are some people I would wish a jaded fortune cookie on so they'd stop being so ridiculously whimsical about everything. Hrm, perhaps I should send Wonton Food a little note thanking them for giving everyone a little dose of reality.

Don't Complain; Work Harder

That's one of the ideas that Pausch talks about in his speech, and that's something I'm going to here. Not that I don't complain unnecessarily sometimes, if I didn't admit that it would be utter and complete hypocrisy, but I will say that there are some more difficult issues to be dealt with in the world than any of the stuff I come up with. This is called feeling like a chump for complaining when I really have a good deal, no matter how you slice it.

Yes, I went to a women's college, and yes I do have a tendency to focus on women's issues. This, however, is something that we should pay attention to for its own reasons. Much as I complain about guys disrespecting women, the Rape Epidemic in the Congo is in a class all its own.

"Honorata Barinjibanwa, an 18-year-old woman with high cheekbones and downcast eyes, said she was kidnapped from a village that the Rastas raided in April and kept as a sex slave until August. Most of that time she was tied to a tree, and she still has rope marks ringing her delicate neck. The men would untie her for a few hours each day to gang-rape her, she said.

“I’m weak, I’m angry, and I don’t know how to restart my life,” she said from Panzi Hospital in Bukavu, where she was taken after her captors freed her."

Please read the article. Even the next morning, I'm not even entirely clear on how to reflect on it. How about this: it terrifies me what human beings who have experienced trauma can inflict upon other people. Rape as a concept frightens me in a way that, strangely enough, makes me feel numb. Rape that involves foreign objects and completely destroys a woman's internal organs causes the emotional equivalent of a stomach flu. This is obviously not my most articulate post, which I attribute in part to the lack of sleep, but honestly part of it is that I just can't conjure any coherent thoughts. Reading that article made me want to cry.

I need to learn how to become involved in relief efforts for this.

It's funny, after keeping an eye out for an appropriate article which would spark desire in me to comment (nods to Mr. Spit), I am finding it so difficult to form full thoughts. Maybe I need an electric shock to the brain.